The importance of following up & my Aunt JudyJun 15, 2015Some background on my Aunt Judy. She was a tough lady. She was a buyer, mostly paper goods, for super market chains and distribution companies. It was almost exclusively a men's world, but that didn't bother her. And, she always drove a sports car, just like the guys. I think this story comes through my Dad. But it illustrates a wonderful point, and a point that is particularly important to many of us ADHDers. My Aunt once applied for a job. As I recall it was a big position at a well known company. She felt she had a great interview, but then didn't hear anything for several days. Based on the interview she was expecting to be contacted. But, still nothing. Being that she was a real go-getter, she didn't wait too long. After a week she followed up with a phone call to the guy who had interviewed her. I honestly don't remember if the job ended up working out or not. But that's not the point. When she followed up, she learned that this company did not call applicants back after their interviews, no matter how well the interview went. They would only hire people who wanted the job bad enough to follow up. Obviously, not every situation is quite the mind bleep that that one was. But it still illustrates a great point. Following up shows initiative, desire, interest, a positive outlook, and perseverance. It could be the thing that sets you apart from the field and get you the job. It can also be a valuable learning experience. If you find out that you finished second, at least you know you are barking of the right tree, and your follow up could lead to opportunities with that company in the future. If you didn't fare so well, a brief but frank conversation about what you were lacking may be painful, but can give you just as valuable information in terms of how to proceed in your job search. I think this is especially important for those ADHDers who fall into the traps of negative thought patterns, living in our head too much, or those who suffer from anxiety. We can convince ourselves not to follow up for a variety of negative reasons. But, we will never know unless we do follow up. And, either way, we will get more information with which to proceed smartly. (Plus, it's almost never as bad as you think!)
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Getting my mind rightJun 15, 2015My last client ends at 5:20 many days. That gives me 10 minutes to get out of the house and pick up my son. His baseball practices are at 6pm. My frisbee games are at 6:30. If I have to pick up both kids, it can be an hour round trip. All of this makes me crazy... and then I get used to being crazy. I had a chance last week to not have an evening commitment, not have to pick up my daughter, and I didn't have a late client. I worked hard until about 5 and then I sat in a lawn chair in my garden, took some deep breaths, and relaxed. I found that I was a much more effective parent that night. Obviously, we can't always have that time. But, I suggest finding it where you can, even if it's sitting in your car by yourself in silence before you go in to pick up the kids. I think it makes a difference.
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Wellbutrin/BupropionJun 9, 2015Well, I'm on the mend. I'm on Wellbutrin now. So far no side effects. Feeling better mood wise. Not doing much for the anxiety though. But there have been moments when I felt really happy and energetic. That's cool. Can't say it has affected my attention... I don't think. Having never been on this before I'm happy to have the opportunity to share with everyone my personal experience with it. Stay tuned! (Plus non-depression based post coming soon!)
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Our own baggage & how we parentMay 27, 2015So, during my anxiety-ridden winter of stress, while fighting off a major depression and popping Ativan like it was my job, I realized something: My son's behavior is greatly effected by my mood. When I'm on edge and nit picking everything, he is very sensitive to it. Ultimately, it puts him under pressure and his behavior is worse. Not that his behavior is the end all be all. I'm more concerned about his well being. And, to realize that I'm bringing stress to him unnecessarily really crushed me. He's a great kid, but has his own anxiety issues. I only make them worse by being on him all the time. After all he's only 6. He is wonderful, compassionate, sensitive, smart, capable, and brave. Sure, he's got stuff to work on, but I need to work on what to let go. I so desperately want to be "consistent" and not let him "get away with" anything, that I sometimes don't parent situationally. In a way, this brief depressive episode was a good thing because it taught me that letting some things go is as important as being consistent about other things. And, when I let up, we both win because I have the energy to wrestle in the back yard and have the fun with him that does us both good.
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Long time, no blogging... ADHD and depressionMay 27, 2015I pride myself on being a consistently inconsistent blogger. I am serious about not being the ADHD guy who starts a blog and doesn't keep it up. But, knowing myself, my life, my schedule, etc., I know that I'm not the kind of guy who will religiously post every Thursday or something like that. I tend to post in bursts on my off weeks from coaching or other times that I have "free." But, it has been almost exactly a month since I posted. Here's why: I recently recently got back together with my ex... depression. This isn't the easiest thing to post on my website, especially since I use my website as a marketing tool. For the most part I like to portray me as the organized, efficient, together guy that I am most of the time. But if I'm totally honest with myself and the world, I think it is appropriate to point out that I don't have it all figured out all the time. I hope that admitting my struggles and my vulnerabilities shows something as important as my strengths and accomplishments. So here goes... I am genetically predisposed to depression/anxiety from both sides of my family. I had my first major depressive episode in college at age 19. The psychiatrist that I was seeing at the time, who was an idiot, totally missed it. Long story short: he put me on a tricyclic antidepressant, but took me off my ritalin. So, it unintentionally moderated the depression... kinda'. But only kinda moderated the ADHD symptoms. That was a very difficult time in my life. I think it could have been much less shitty and shorter if I had been getting better care. (Ultimately, I went back to my pediatric psychopharmacologist and he got me back on track. I still see him at 36 yrs old.) Good thing I was still seeing him when I had my first panic attack and second major depressive episode in 2004. This time I was appropriately medicated and continued with my therapist. It really only knocked me out for about 6 weeks. (Better than 2 years.) And, I continued on medication for about 5 years. In the last 5 years I've been antidepressant free, though I still take Ativan to manage acute anxiety as needed. I'm proud of the fact that I now manage my life and my ADHD so well that I was able to keep this at bay for so long. Of course, the better you are at something, the harder it can be to admit when you are struggling with it. It was a very tough winter. I will leave it at that. But it was a tough winter for our household. I fought so hard not to have to go back on medication, partly because of side effects, partly because I wanted to believe that I had "beaten" my depression. The end result is that I probably pushed through longer than I should have. Then I crashed. But here's the thing: About a month ago I emailed my doctor in the middle of the night and he called in an Rx for what had been a good med for me in the past. At a very low dose, it made me much worse and gave me gnarly side effects. So I came off it within 10 days and have been waiting for my insurance company to deny a new med that my doctor really likes. But my depression has gotten better since then. I think the lesson is that I was making it worse by ignoring it and pushing through. Some of the pressures that were causative factors have lessened, but I'm also acknowledging it now, which is tremendously helpful. The bottom line is that I was debilitated for only about two weeks this time. It was bad, but short. So, I guess if I'm depressed for two weeks every 5 years, I am doing a pretty good job managing my life, my ADHD, and my anxiety. I don't need to pretend that there is no elephant in the room. As usual, I don't really feel like rereading and editing this... Hope it makes sense!
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More about weedApr 22, 2015I am far from anti-drugs. I made a personal choice when I was a teenager that drugs, cigarettes, and alcohol were not for me. I began using alcohol around age 20 and still have never smoked a cigarette, smoked weed, or done anything else. Having said that, most of my friends have smoked weed at one time or another in their lives. I actually think drugs should be legalized. I point this things out to give context to what this post is really about, to illustrate that I'm not a prude nor that I'm pro drugs. The objective scientific fact that is clearly emerging from current research is that weed is really bad for the brain. It is even worse for the young brain. And, there is some evidence that it is particular bad for the ADHD and anxiety prone brain. Many of my younger clients "self medicate" with marijuana for anxiety, sleep issues, and to moderate "jitters." In the short term that works. Weed mellows you out, makes you less anxious, and makes you sleepy. The problem is that in the long term it makes all of those things worse. It messes up your sleep cycle. It ultimately makes your mood worse as it is a depresant. And, the next day, you're going to have to pump a lot of caffeine in to your system to get going. Hence the jitters. Now there is evidence that moderate to heavy use of marijuana actually reshapes the brain negatively in teens and young adults. So, these detrimental effects may not be so short term. I really worry about my younger clients who can't/won't stop smoking. It doesn't bode well for their future. Fact: Today's weed is about 3.5x more potent than only 20 years ago. (I'm sorry I don't have the source for this. My dad likes to send me cut out articles...and not tell me where they are from.) Fact: Smoking pot consistently has been shown to lower IQ by 10pt / decade of use. Fact: As ADHDers we already have structural and chemical abnormalities in our brain (including some of the same systems affected by weed.) Probably we shouldn't F with our brains further. As far as I know there is some debate about whether or not pot is addictive. I would argue that if you know all of this and still smoke pot, you can't stop. That sounds like some form of addiction. Feel free to google it yourself. But here's just one link to a recent article on the science behind all this: Weed's bad, mmmkay!
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