Self care is a buzzwork in our society these days. But some of us have been talking about self care for years, especially in the context of ADHD. I can’t speak to neurotypical folks. I’ve only been inside an ADHD guy’s brain. But I can tell you that ADHD people seem to have a particularly hard time with self care. I think there are many reasons that this is the case. We tend to have fewer hours in the day to be productive. (If you are familiar with ADHD, you know what I mean and I don’t have to go on a six paragraph tangent about it!) We also suffer from low self esteem due to the way that our ADHD negatively affects our day to day and big picture success. And, our struggles with the skills and executive functions of time management, initiation, follow through, consistency, and delaying gratification all make it harder for us to practice good self care. And fundamentally, self care might be not-so-stimulation and repetitive sometimes. 

But I had a really interesting session with a client about a month ago during which I challenged him to even question the concept of self care. He was going through a really difficult time in his life. He’s in the healthcare field and directly works with patients, but is not higher end of the healthcare pay/stability scale. So, work is very stressful for him. And, he is going through a tremendously stressful time with his soon-to-be-ex-wife. So, he came into a session and wanted to talk about his failures in the self care arena. He felt like he wasn’t living up to his own expectations (and his almost-ex-wife’s expectations) of how he was keeping the house. He wasn’t making the choice to spend the energy to make and eat the salad for dinner. He wasn’t coming home from work and folding the laundry and working out. He wasn’t meditating or doing any of the introspective practices that he’d done in the past. And, he was really beating himself up about it. 

Now, I’m a big believer in self care. Generally I consider sleep, exercise, and social interaction the winners podium of self care. If there were a B-team closely behind they would be eating well, some form of mindfulness practice, and managing leisure time and down time. Of course, managing work/life balance, addictive tendencies/activities, moderating screen time, and spending time nurturing our intimate relationships are also important parts of self care.

But like anything in life, self care can be situational too. You are not always going to have the time and energy to do all that you want to do in any arena. That includes the self care arena. Sometimes self care is making the salad and going for a run. Sometimes self care is having a can of Bernie-O’s right out of the can for dinner, lying on the couch, watching two episodes of “The Expanse,” and going to bed. I wouldn’t recommend doing that every night. But if that is what you really need on a given night, is that not the definition of caring for yourself? 

I always argue that self care should be one of your top two priorities. Self care and your kids. But, in these crazy times we live in, we have to compromise on everything, even our upper echelon priorities. So, be kind to yourself. Set a reasonable bar. Find creative ways to reach it. Don’t be too hard on yourself when you fall short. Problem solve, and consider adjusting the bar again if you need to. And, meet yourself where you are, not where you wish you were. Now, that sounds like self care to me!

Standard Disclaimer:  In an effort to foil my own perfectionist tendencies, I do not edit my posts much… if at all. Please excuse and typos, mistakes, grammatical errors, or awkward phrasing. I focus on getting my content down. In my humble opinion, an imperfect post posted is infinitely better than a perfect post that goes unfinished.

When I started my ADHD blog I swore that I was going to be the person who posted on it weekly. I didn’t want to be the ADHD guy with all the ideas and none of the follow through. I have to say that I lived up to my own expectations. I practiced what I preached in my coaching practice and put structures in place to have topics to write about and behaviours to get it done. I’ve always been very proud of that.

And, then I got really, really sick in Nov. of 2019. And, was just in the process of bouncing back around March on 2020, when… Well, we all know what happened in March of 2020. And, with two kids, the youngest being a five-year-old kindergartener with significant mental health issues at the time, much of normal life, and business as usual ground to a halt. 

Then I believe in early December I promised you, the few but beloved reader of my blog that I was officially back on the horse. Well, you know what they say about the best laid plans. The aforementioned now six-year-old was in crisis and needed to be hospitalized for an extended period of time over the holidays and into February. And, the emotional, psychological, and logistical toll that took on our family and on me was/is hard to quantify except to say that it was enormous. 

I don’t want to go into that too much. I’m happy to share anything about me. But, someday that child will be an adult and this post may still exist in the “datasphere.” I want to respect my son’s future privacy. Just know that this has been a difficult time for me. And, as the pieces seem to be coming back together for him and for us and there may be a light at the end of the tunnel that might even not be the proverbial train… I’m starting to have the bandwidth to think about things that were on the front burner in October of 2019, like completely redoing my website, starting a new marketing campaign, finishing my first book, taking my business to the next level, etc. 

And, on slightly more mundane level, I need to get back into the habit of writing blog entries as a part of what I do. Yet, I find the whole prospect overwhelming. Yes, all of it is overwhelming. But just the piece of the blogs is, in and of itself overwhelming. Why? I think it is because there have been several times over the past 14 months that I have started to write again and been re-sidetracked. I feel a bit like sisyphus having had the boulder roll down on me a few times already. I feel like it isn’t good enough to write one post. I need to be sure, absolutely sure, that I can get back on a roll for good. 

But of course that’s just a branch of perfectionism. Yeah, it’s nice to not start until I’m reasonably sure I’ll have some time every week to devote to blogging. But if I go every other week for a while, or if I have to do shorter posts, or it takes me a while to get back up to speed… or if, God forbid, something else happens that knocks me off track. So be it. There is nothing lost by posting today. And, I already feel better having written this. I can feel the momentum building. In a matter of six paragraphs I’ve gone from overwhelmed to energized and hopeful… just by getting started! What do you want to get started today?

Standard Disclaimer:  In an effort to foil my own perfectionist tendencies, I do not edit my posts much… if at all. Please excuse and typos, mistakes, grammatical errors, or awkward phrasing. I focus on getting my content down. In my humble opinion, an imperfect post posted is infinitely better than a perfect post that goes unfinished.