I bought the second house I ever looked at on the first day of looking when we weren’t really looking. It was a great decision. It was quick and decisive but not impulsive. We saw it on Sunday. I went back on Monday. I brought my parents to see it on Wednesday. I made an offer on Friday. A counter offer was accepted (which included being contingent on an inspection and an engineer’s evaluation,) on Friday night.

I was reminded of this by something that happened today. Last week I got a call from an internet marketing company. They offered me a $9.95 website evaluation. I said sure. Today I had a phone meeting with their sales manager. Long story short, he overwhelmed me with information for over an hour. And, then gave me the pricing with lots of confusing options and the let me talk to my manger thing. I told him I needed a night to think about it. He said he couldn’t do the special pricing tomorrow. I told him I would need ’til the end of business.

Here is where I did two smart things.

1. I took a deep breath and reminded myself that prices don’t change day to day and that as excited as I was about what he was selling, there was something “used car salesman” about him that I didn’t like.
2. I reached out for advice. With the house, I asked my Dad. For this I reached out to my coach. (Probably the two guys in the world I trust the most.) He immediately hooked me up with his web guy, who cut through the BS. Offered me a clearer explanation in about 5 minutes, offered to do more for me, and all for less than half the price. (And, he came with an unfathomably good recommendation from someone I trust.)

The moral of the story is that as ADHD’rs we can and do get caught up in the moment, both good and bad. I’m proud of myself that I’ve learned over the years when to give myself a metaphorical time out. I let the excitement subside and asked the right questions. Like, if he is so good at what he does, why does the first guy need the hard sell and the gimmicks? I found out when I emailed him that I was not willing to make this decision without thinking it over. He then showed his true colors by dropping the price again, talking to the general manager this time, telling me I only had a half hour to decide, calling and emailing repeatedly, and suggesting that I was acting unprofessionally.

Bottom line: a little time to step back and not get wrapped up in the moment allowed me to make a good decision and not an impulsive one. On the other hand, I’m still quick and decisive. I hired my coach’s guy on the spot. I guess it’s equally important to really know what you want and grab it when you find it.

This is a follow up to yesterday’s post. These are actual emails that I received from the guy at the first Company. I’m posting them because… well the last one is so funny/scary it is worth reading.

2:35pm

Matt, I will be ok for the time you need to decide which plan you want as long as it is done before the end of the day and corporate does my audit I will be fine.

The prices 3 months $2500.00 your price $1500.00 3 months6 months $4500.00 your price is $2000.00 6 months

Today 4 months $1500.00

Today 6 months $2000.00

Today 12 months $2200.00

All inclusive

We will talk just before 5pm your time unless you call me sooner

3:00pm

High pressure voice mail was left offering me some vague additional deal that I had to call him for.

4:00pm

Doug,

Hi. I got your message. I’ve done some thinking and talked to a few people. I’ve decided that, even with your discounted pricing, it seems pretty expensive, based on other information that I have. I’m sure you are very good and I very much appreciate your time and energy. I’m just not prepared to move forward with such an investment in such a short time frame. I plan to explore other options and will be back in touch if I decide to go with your company. Thanks again for your time and for educating me on how much I do not know.

4:04pm

Matt, you are THE FIRST person in 15 YEARS to say we are expensive as my closest competitor is over $13.000.00 per year and that is firm. I believe that we all get what we pay for and this business is no different I can’t imagine who you could have talked to that told you any different I would bet that any of my competitors who CAN’T RANK on GOOGLE might be lower cost but would never get you the results.

I had called you with a better price it is a shame you didn’t answer the phone.

4:05pm

Doug left a voicemail with no words… only background noise and office sounds. I stopped listening after a minute. It was creepy.

4:07pm

Matt, I hate working through emails it is not professional I just talked to my General Manager and I am will to put my money where my mouth is. This will be a onetime offer then we would have to call the list we got you off of and sign a different company to market

I will call you with the offer it will be simple yes or no

4:12pm

Matt, ok I don’t want to play phone tag this offer is a onetime deal good until 4:30 your time ONE YEAR $1700.00……………… I can’t and won’t go lower as I can call another business like yours and get $2400.00. I just wanted to help you grow. I have to get an coach like yourself signed on to fill the spot in my company.

5pm

Doug,

I’m disappointed. I didn’t say no. I simply said that I wasn’t prepared to make a financial commitment of that high a % of my marketing dollars without taking a night to think about it. I am quite put off by your hard sell. If you had left it alone there is a chance you would still have gotten my business. However, I can now give you that simple yes or no that you were looking for. It will be a no. Again, I appreciate your time. (By the way, we had agreed to talk at 5pm my time. No need to accuse me of not picking up the phone or being unprofessional because I was unavailable sooner.)

5:15pm

Matt. I didn’t accuse you of picking up the phone and hanging up I have been doing this for 15 years and virtually out of every 100 people the ones that have to think about it 1 will sign this is not a hard sell just reality not every business can afford to do SEO we pride ourselves on being a lower cost top company. The fact that we are a multi-million dollar company I have no say in the price or when I can offer a lower cost. the bottom line was not you saying yes or no before 5:00 was just the price difference if I would have never offered you a lower price your choice could have been made next year. I don’t work on commission I get straight salary so if you pay $2200.00 or $2.00 my check is the same but to run and pay over 350 employees is not cheap. I only tried to help you and save you money I even broke my own rule I NEVER call for a lower price unless you give me the ok you would go. I thought you would sign and get your site done properly so I went on the limb and called to get a lower price. Sorry.

If the money was the big hold back you should have gone for 3 or 4 months not a big commitment

Now just person to person between me and you I wanted to help you because corporate doesn’t care who pays us someone will I just wanted to help YOU.

If you want to reconsider let me know tomorrow and I will hold off us signing one of your competitors.

We both know one thing at the end of the day we are both going to be in business we increased by almost 400% in the last 11 months I want you to get the same satisfaction

5:28pm

Matt, I just want you to understand maybe I get a little over bearing but with me patience is not one of my strong points I really go over a lot in the phone consultation to really have the person on the other line IE yourself have a good feel and can earn your trust right away that is why I take my time. I could cut my presentation down but then I would have a lot more questions and a longer decide time.

To just give you an idea I was bored Saturday so I got off my couch took my 2002 Corvette with only 18.000 miles on it and went and bought a new $2014 Corvette for $87.000.00 and did it on the spur I don’t regret it that’s just how I am.

Sorry to have insulted you

I really feel like that speaks for itself, so I’ll leave it there.

Lest you all think I don’t go through the same stuff you do, I have to work pretty hard to maintain the balance in my life that I need. It is not easy as a parent who works full time to find the time to have the social life that I need to maintain the balance I need in my life. I, like most ADHDers need a level of social stimulation that doesn’t magically appear in adult life.

One of the other things that I need as an semi-ex athlete is competition. And, playing risk on the computer by myself and angry birds doesn’t count. (Even though I dominate at Star Wars Angry Birds!)

But, I get it. It is not easy to fight our own inertia and get out there socially. And, it hasn’t been easy for me to find competition in the times of year that I’m not able or healthy to play ultimate. (That’s ultimate Frisbee, for the uninitiated.)

So, I’ve gone out on a limb to start a Dad’s Poker Night with some neighbors, Dad’s from E’s school, and other friends and family. Tonight was month two. (Out of three, because we missed last month…) It was so much fun. I can honestly tell you that it was worth the effort to organize. It was worth the first semi-awkward poker night in Sept. It was worth the month that didn’t actually happen in October. I had so much fun tonight with a bunch of guys that I know in a couples context, but not in a guys hanging out context. I also got my competition on… and happened to win. ($100)

But here’s the important thing. I know from personal experience that this fun-ness will sustain me for days, maybe even a week. It will bring balance and help me avoid being in a place where I am drawn to unproductive simulation-seeking behavior. I also know that next month, being able to look forward to poker night will help me sustain energy and productivity for the week leading up to it.

I think the take away is, figure out what really gets you going and make it happen. The positive energy you will create from doing that will permeate your life life ripple going out through a pond.

I’m afraid to reread this post at 11pm. But, if you are a regular reader, you know my mantra: done is better than done perfectly. Flaws and all, I banged out another blog post tonight, and I feel good about it.

I had a great session with my coach last week. I was feeling some guilt about a situation in my life. (Specifically, about not wanting to spend every possible waking moment with my son.) His answer to guilt blew me away and I wanted to share it with y’all.

Jerry observed that guilt is usually a result of our breaking our own rules. We all have core beliefs, standards, values, whatever you want to call them. It is less common that we trample those. But we often make up/ assume rules that may or may not truly serve those core values. Then adopt these rules as fact. I’m sure some rules are great, but the more I’ve explored this, the more I realize how many of them get us in to trouble.

For example, the issue I was discussing with my coach: I felt guilty about not picking up my little man (4.5 yrs old) from preschool the minute I could. Even if I don’t have a client my last slot of the day, I often do office work or take the opportunity to wind down with a few minute of and old Star Trek TNG. (They play like 3 a day on BBC America! I love my DVR!) So, the value there is that I take being a dad very seriously. I am an active, loving, affectionate, supportive 1/2 of my son’s parenting team. I have my strengths and weaknesses and make my mistakes, but on balance, I’m the dad that I want to be. That’s who I am and what is important to me. Incidentally, I had a very good role model in my own father.

Unfortunately, I had unwittingly attached “rules” to how I fulfill my core value of being a great dad. I had decided that in order to be a great dad, I had to love being with my son all the time and needed to desperately grab every minute I could with him. Upon further examination… NOT TRUE.

I love my son immensely. But, being a dad is F*#$ing exhausting, as you other parents know. And, it is particularly challenging as an ADHD’er. I like to think of myself as pretty together, but it still takes a ton of effort to be me. (I think I’ll leave that point there and try to do a whole post on the challenges of being and ADHD parent soon.) The thing is that I know I need down time. I sometimes need a half an hour to come down from my work day before I am really able to be the Dad that I want to be. So, sometimes, being with the little man a little less makes me a better dad!

Not to mention, I’ve managed to love other people without this guilt. I love my wife. That doesn’t mean I need to want to spend 24 hours a day with her. We love spending time together, but have other friends and separate activities. I don’t feel guilty about that.

This wasn’t supposed to be about my particular issue. I just wanted to use that as an example. What I would hope is the takeaway here is that I had a rule that didn’t work. It didn’t work because it didn’t make sense. Sure, on the surface it did, but it didn’t stand up to further scrutiny. And, really, was counterproductive to what my core value was on this topic.

We create unhelpful rules in many ways. As with my example, they might come from our own personal values and goals. They can also come from the cardinal ADHD sin of comparing ourselves to other or to some abstract ideal. So, when you are experiencing guilt, I suggest you take a long hard look at where the guilt is coming from. If you are breaking your own rules, there is a reason. Be open to the option that it’s not you, it’s the rule.

I took a break over the summer from posting. As I have entered the fall, and tried to get back going on the blog, I have found it difficult. I have a list of topics I want to address, but seem somewhat overwhelmed by jumping in to the more complex, lengthy, or challenging ones.

Therefore, this is the perfect time for me to remind myself that this blog doesn’t have to be perfect. My plan is to rededicate myself to a stream of consciousness form of writing (with little or no editing) that emphasizes content, not form, but allow me to write the darn entries!

Done is better than not done perfectly!

“No one axiom can be deemed wise and expedient for all times and circumstance.” -Thomas Jefferson

I’ve been meaning to share this with y’all. My post on rules made me think now was the time. I came across this quote while doing some history reading my Jr. year in High School. It has been the foundation of my personal philosophy ever since. I could tell you what it means to me… but I’m interested in what it means to you. Hope you find it thought provoking.