Deep thoughts by Matt ReidApr 22, 2016... at least I hope they're deep... I've been feeling more philosophical lately. Which I think is a good thing. My tendency is to try to manage life by nailing everything down tight. And, that works to an extent. I’ve made a career out of teaching other people to get their “shit together.” And, I’m not saying that my intention is to get away from that. But there are things that are out of our control, can’t be answered right away, require experience to be quantified, or may simply be beyond our understanding or our control. I’m not even sure how to articulate what I’m trying to say here. I just feel like there is an important piece of life experience that I’m trying to teach myself even more than I’m trying to impart to anyone who might be reading this. I guess it’s that knowing what to let go of really does give you more control in a counterintuitive way. Letting go of what I can’t change or can’t control lets me control my mood by not being in a constant and epic battle to fight against an unwindable enemy. I hope this isn’t to weird or esoteric to be helpful to at least one person… I guess the challenge is to balance the need for structure and control that comes with having ADHD with the anxiety that it can produce to try to be in control of everything all the time...
Standard disclaimer: I don't edit much if at all. This is a deal I have made with myself. It keeps me from being frozen in the metaphorical carbonite of perfectionism or falling into the "Sarlacc" of avoidance behavior. A new post done is always better than a perfect post undone.
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How to Handle Follow UpsMar 30, 2016So... you have a meeting with Dave. It goes well. Dave is interested in doing business with you, but he has to check with his bosses. What do you do? (This is a two part question, really. How do you handle Dave and how do you handle the resulting "tasks?") I will say, "Great, Dave. Glad you're interested. Don't want you to make a premature commitment. How long do you think it will take to chat with the powers that be?" Dave will likely say, "Couple of day, definitely by the end of the week." To which I will respond, "Fantastic. But, if I don't hear from you, MAY I FOLLOW UP WITH YOU NEXT MONDAY?" So, I've given him the power to say no. In other words I'm not being pushy, but I am capitalizing on his good feeling and our positive momentum. I sorta makes him commit to the time frame he gave me. And, it gives me permission to contact him again at a certain agreed upon time without being annoying. Everybody wins! That's a great tip for business, relationships, boundaries, self-doubters, etc that I picked up somewhere over the years. I regret that I do not remember where so I can't give credit where it is due. But, what do we do now? We have ADHD and Monday might as well be the end of days. (Will it come? When? Will I know what's happening, when it comes?...) Here's my suggestion. If you read my blog, work with me, or have heard me speak you know of my devotion to the To Do List (as I teach it.) So, you've got a bad ass, super functional to do list. And you know that you can't put stuff on your TDL that can't be done. It's Tuesday. You can't put: Follow up with Dave on Monday on your TDL. It would taunt you for 6 days and by then you'd tune it out. What to do? Put it on your calendar as soon as you meeting is over with Dave. Set a reminder that will pop up on your phone. That way, that task doesn't exist until Monday. Which is nice because 20 minutes later we've forgotten about it. But don't stress. We have a strategy. When Monday rolls around, that reminder comes up on your phone. "Pop Quiz, Hot Shot. What do you do now?" You could call or email Dave to follow up. But let's be honest... that's not likely. You might get distracted, be busy at that moment, need to do something urgent first, finish watching the episode of The Walking Dead you are engrossed in. Let me be the first one to tell you that that is okay. BUT IT IS ONLY OKAY IF YOU ACCOUNT FOR THE TASK FIRST. THAT IS WHEN YOU PUT IT ON YOUR LIST. Now you can't forget it because it's on you list. This is also a great example of how tasks and time interact. Essentially, what you've done is remind yourself to add a task to your list in 6 days. Simple and it works! Standard disclaimer: I don't edit much if at all. This is a deal I have made with myself. It keeps me from being frozen in the metaphorical carbonite of perfectionism or falling into the "Sarlacc" of avoidance behavior. A new post done is always better than a perfect post undone.
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Simple solutionsMar 22, 2016
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ADHD & societal acceptance: my personal timelineFeb 10, 2016Since I was diagnosed with ADHD about 27 years ago there has been a lot of movement in terms of our society's ideas about mental health. Almost all of it has been in a positive direction. I feel that we still have a long way to go but that we are identifying and treating more people who need help now than every before. My personal experience is that talking to people about my ADHD over the years had evolved in this way:
So, where are we now? I don't know. With more people getting the help they need than ever before. Good thing! But, there is an increasingly vehement faction of society that rallies against increased diagnosis and treatment as a bad thing. This creates another whole issue, and in a way brings me back to the days of feeling like I had to justify my medical diagnosis to society. As with many of my posts, this one has ended up opening a can of worms for me. I intended to talk about and compare our society attitudes toward ADHD and autism. I'll save that for the next post. So, stay tuned. Standard disclaimer: I don't edit much if at all. This is a deal I have made with myself. It keeps me from being frozen in the metaphorical carbonite of perfectionism or falling into the "Sarlacc" of avoidance behavior. A new post done is always better than a perfect post undone.
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Thirty-Wonderful flavors of ADHDFeb 08, 2016Sometimes it is difficult to identify ADHD even for people who have it or have some experience with it because it doesn't always look the same and act the same. It has been my experience that on any give subject related to ADHD a large percentage of ADHDers, say 80% will react in one way. But, the other 20% will react differently... in a way that is completely opposite. For example, how does the "average" ADHD kid react to a long car ride? I can tell you that being in the back seat of my parents Volvo 25 years ago with "nothing" to do that was stimulating for the two hour drive from Boston to Hartford was my idea of hell. If not for ska/punk and pod casts it still would be my idea of hell. I think most ADHDers respond in a similar way. Of course we have many more ways to amuse ourselves in the car than we did a quarter century ago. And, the average neurotypical kid expects to be entertained full time also. But, I digress. So, let's say 70% (random guess) of ADHD kids find long car rides to be torture. What about the other 30%? Usually, they are perfectly content to stare out their window, twirl their hair, and enjoy their rich "inner life." Or they are the lucky few who love to read or draw and can stimulate themselves that way. So, the mother with the rich inner life of who is inattentive, may not connect with her daughter's struggle in this situation if the daughter is more physically hyperactive and my have "more" ADHD. Some of us are Tasmanian Devils. Others are space cadets. Doesn't mean they aren't both ADHD. Standard disclaimer: I don't edit much if at all. This is a deal I have made with myself. It keeps me from being frozen in the metaphorical carbonite of perfectionism or falling into the "Sarlacc" of avoidance behavior. A new post done is always better than a perfect post undone.
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Fortunate OneFeb 7, 2016
I got the second one about a month ago, just as my business reached my initial goal. I actually have one more client than I was aiming for and am one more client away from having a waiting list. All of that is built on what I teach my clients every day: doing the small manageable tasks over time to build something bigger and better. The weird thing is that I don't even like fortune cookies and rarely open them. Yet I got these two about 4 years apart. Spooky. -M PS. Sorry for the long absence. Life has been busy. I hope to be back to producing more regularly now.
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